Whether it affects you in business or your personal life, most of what we at Sandler refer to as "head trash" comes from something we've been exposed to or something that has been done to us. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean it was done to us with negative or malicious intent, it's just the experiences we've had.
Fortunately, the concepts we talk about at Sandler can help both personally and professionally. One specific concept that can help in all areas of your life is I/R Theory. It can go a long way in helping you overcome head trash, if you let it.
Succinctly, I/R Theory is all about how you view your identity versus your role. It's about separating who you are from what you do. If you really internalize it, it greatly improves your self-esteem by helping you realize that your value as a person is separate from your accomplishments, either good or bad.
We help clients understand that everyone is what we call an I-10. Meaning, on a scale of 1 to 10, your self-worth is and should be as high as it can go.
A client shared a story with me a while back that helped demonstrate how powerful this concept can be in your personal life.
He was chatting with a friend of his. While it started out about some common interests, it quickly transitioned into a conversation about his friend's family issues.
It ended up being an hour-long conversation. My client continued to ask questions, and his friend opened up more and more about his issues with his family. It turned out that those who should have been his support group were quite the opposite for him.
My client realized what was happening. The people closest to him should have been making him feel like an I-10. Instead, they were making him feel like he had no self-worth.
My client shared with him, "You know, we're all born a 10. Regardless of what happens to you today or tomorrow, you're a 10. Even if you fail, which I don't think you have, you're a 10."
Immediately, his friend's eyes began to well up with tears.
We can't know the long-term affect that one conversation will have. But it demonstrates how powerful the concept of I/R theory can be, if you let it.
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